Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
