it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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