In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
