I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
