nut hugger
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
