I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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