Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
