Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
