remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
