i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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