a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
