I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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