My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
