the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
