I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
