Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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