I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
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