His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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