I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
