I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
