i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
