I just saw a hot homeless man
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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