I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
