end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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