your room smells of hookers.
And success
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
