dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
