i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we're making bets on your personal life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
