4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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