Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
