Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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