My cat gives me a boner
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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