Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
