i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
