It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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