and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
