He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
