This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
