im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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