I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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