For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
