she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
