My nipple is on Facebook.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
