she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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