My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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