Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I did not marry a roomba.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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