Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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