did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
