there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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