in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
