This girl is more easily done than said...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
And then he peed in my hair
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