Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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