after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
