so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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