I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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