You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
