I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He better not be in your backpack
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize