Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
