apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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