Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
