so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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