It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize