Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
