she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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