god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
