Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
