I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
