I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize