New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
