Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize