If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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