Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
