hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize