we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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