pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
