if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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