Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
