I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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