I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
