Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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