I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
