I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
