Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
