i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
