Do you still have your period?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
