He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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