Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
