My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Couch. On fire.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
