I CAN MOONWALK!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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