shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
