its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
