He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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