Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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