I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
