Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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