Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
