the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
