he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
