I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The air was thick with penises
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
