Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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