it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
