I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What a dumb baby whore.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
