I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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