I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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