Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Randomize
