Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize