So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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