He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
