My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
