Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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