Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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