Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Me too!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
