Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
