i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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