How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize