At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
